Bear with me, as I'm feeling a little sorry for myself today. It could be the mild hangover, it could be the change in weather and the fact that it is getting darker earlier, whatever it is, I am not feeling as chipper as I normally would be.
To be completely honest, my confidence has been a bit shot of late, when it comes to romance at least. One of the reasons I have been so quiet since August is because I was dating someone for that time period. Someone who appeared to be a Darcy. He was a gentleman, and although not traditionally what I would consider my type, I was willing to give something different a try, as dating idiots seems to have become a past time for me, and I really need to break out of it. It took a while for us to get comfortable with each other, as he hadn't really had very much experience with girls, and at times conversation could be awkward. But I stuck it out, and we had a nice rapport going. I waited dutifully for a month before inviting him in after a date, and then the problems began. He had performance issues, in that there was no performance. At first I thought that this might be because of his earlier issues concerning awkwardness around girls, and that he was probably just nervous and the next time everything would be fine. I was wrong. It wasn't fine. And it happened a number of times before I finally asked him what I could do, and he told me not to worry about it. I was worried, and the relationship has since petered out, but not before it made me feel incredibly unattractive. I know that I am not, and that his issue probably had nothing to do with the way that I look, god knows that other men have not had such problems. But it still hurts a little bit, especially because an explanation was never offered, and I was left to ponder why.
I picked up and continued on from where I had left my former self, ie. going out pretty much every weekend and flirting relentlessly with men. I had some success on Halloween, kissing a lovely boy from Monaghan. It was a very brief encounter though. But Halloween also brought me another little surprise. My friends and I were admiring from afar a rather tall, handsome in a way that only Irish men can be, gentleman dressed very stylishly as a gangster. As we walked past him later I commented upon his rather big gun. This prompted him to say things to me that no man has ever said to me before. Let's just say a wall, a shower, and a bed were all involved in his suggestions to me. Normally such behaviour would have resulted in a stern rebuke from myself, but I am at a point of desperation, and he was very nice looking. I know that I said before I am trying to avoid idiots, but, eh, what is one to do when faced with such an opportunity? I did not take him up on his offer that evening, but he did take my number and some texting occurred the next day. He has since befriended me on a social networking site (ah, who am I kidding, THE social networking site) and on Friday night a conversation took place that if I was to be completely honest about, has not left my mind since. He openly suggested that we become friends with benefits, or, to put it another way, (insert expletive) buddies. I am wary of this situation, I have been in it before and it did not end well. To be fair though, the person I was in that situation with was the King of Emotional Fuckwittery and it was after we had broken up, so there were always going to be residual emotions floating about, tampering with the very fine balance that is the friends with benefits situation. I have a feeling that it might just work with this guy though. For starters I have no feelings of a romantic nature towards him, just a sense of mild amusement at his outright cockiness. And I am very attracted to him, in a physical sense. Intellectually though, not so much. He can barely spell, and struggles constructing basic sentences, so I don't think that I would be tempted to take it any further than the bedroom. Another plus in the situation is that he does not live in Dublin, he is a Galway man, which makes sense, seeing as all of the gorgeous men in Ireland seem to reside West of me. At first I did not view this as a plus, seeing as he can't be on call at the drop of a hat, or a drunken text. But I guess in a way it works out, he comes to Dublin fairly regularly, and he can just blow in from time to time, and then blow right back out again, leaving me free to do as I please in the interim. At the moment though, this is all pure speculation. The offer has been made, I have tentatively accepted, but who knows whether anything will come of it. I did send a drunken text last night, and am yet to hear back. Not a great sign for the beginning of a fantastic physical relationship. Time will tell.
So, I am feeling a little wounded, pride wise, due to the lack of response to my text, but also for a couple of other reasons which I will mention briefly. I spent a long time attempting to tune two separate men last night and nothing came of it, I feel like it was a wasted night. I have a fairly high strike rate here, usually all I have to do is smile and speak, and the second my Australian accent is heard I'm in like Flynn. It probably didn't help that my friends both picked up (one of them kissed three different guys!) and I went home alone to ponder the safety issues of attempting to make a bacon and egg sandwich whilst drunk at 1:30am (the risk was ultimately assessed as too high, and I had to wait until later this morning). My failure with one of the guys bothered me more than the other. It really is not fair that a guy with the most beautiful smile I have ever seen, gorgeous blue eyes, and slightly curly brown hair is called Laurie. It immediately made me think of Little Women and I ramped my seduction (snort, I was so drunk I don't really blame him for displaying very little interest in me) techniques up a notch. I pulled out all the stops, I smiled a lot, I touched him on the arm and chest, leant in when we were talking to each other, and was very confused as to why he didn't respond. I probably just wasn't his type, but weirdly it was him who approached me first, rather than the other way around, so I am still a little perplexed.
Anyhow, that is my whinge session for now. Back to the drawing board, and here's hoping my friend with benefits comes through with some benefits very, very soon.
A little shaken, but still stirred,
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